You do, don’t you? Just one last time. And THEN, after that, you’ll address the other things.
When I was in thrall to food, I wrote in my journal:
Another binge… three weeks now. What stops me from eating normally is:
- Guilt from over eating in the last three weeks
- Terror at the weight I must have put on
- A feeling of helplessness and hopelessness that I’ll ever lose it
- A consequent hatred of my body
- Disgust and despair at myself
Overeating acts both to blott out those feelings and to punish myself. If I felt attractive and glamorous and interesting, I wouldn’t feel like bingeing.
The terror of the weight, and the terror that my life might be one long endless binge without the constrains of a diet, kept me locked into diets. And diets were the very thing preventing me from being thin.
But the lure, the promise that they make is almost irresistible. There are endless before and after photos, lists of science or pseudo-science that back up the claim.
And if only you could lose those kilograms/pounds, that everything would be alright. Wouldn’t it?